Sun was about to set, and like all other evenings
this one was also same but the night that was going to follow it was different,
it was not the same for me as today I am going to become a prostitute from a
girl. I will no long be referred as a girl by anyone. At the age of 15 and 3
years from attaining puberty today I am going lose my virginity to a man whom I
have not seen till now.
I am Rivanah and this is my story. It may disgust
you at some point but I don’t care because you are only reading it but I will
be going through it all.
I knew this day will come and it was my biggest
nightmare but no more, as it will be a reality for me from now on. We the girls
who are born here in sonagachi know what our future will be.
My mother who was also a prostitute died few years
ago due to some sexually transmitted disease. She always told me that she will
never allow anyone to make me work in this shit and build a good future for me
but since she died the hope inside me also died with her. There is no place in
world I could be other than here.
I wish this evening never ends and I could live my
whole life in this. People here say that I don’t have to fear as I will get
habitual to this soon and I have to live this life so why not accept this
happily.
Few more hours and I will be a working woman just
like many other girls who work to fulfil their needs the only difference
between them and me would be that they sell ideas or products and I will be
selling my body. I know I can’t change anything but still I hoped that my first
time should have been with someone, whom I know or I was comfortable with.
This maybe weird for you, you must be thinking that
at the age of 15 I am thinking of having sex with someone, so, welcome to my
world where when a child is born he/she learn to say mother later and sex
first.
Now, you must be thinking that why I am being philosophical
at this time but no one can understand what is going through my mind my heart
right now, no one.
I want to
capture this evening in words as these are my last free moments. I don’t know
if ever in life I will be as free as I am now. Maybe I will be happy in future
living a life of prostitute maybe not but at this moment I am a girl and I am
proud of myself.
Now I have to go as it’s time for me to get ready
for the exhibition where some of you people only will come and one of you will
buy me for a night.
I hope I get a chance to continue my story.
Rivanah
